dayv_69

End of an Era

2006-06-16T05:59:04Z

Reaching a milestone always makes me feel that much older. Twelve years of school, dozens of friendships, and where am I now. Sure I know so much more, and the road ahead is long and twisted, but I can't help feel I could have done so much more. I lost, and still am losing, friends that meant so much to me. I've passed up opportunities and have had opportunities passed up for me, many of which I would love to take back and relive. In essence we all feel this way at a time; feel like we've wasted away the days. But lets not forget I have a lot to look forward to. A new school means a vast amount of new people, new friends, new enemies. I still have a girl that I care so much about, and that keeps me tied together into a beautiful, secure knot. I'll definitely miss the structure of high school and the many perks that it contained. Tomorrow it might rain, but I've packed an umbrella. I'm ready for a storm, cause I know it can only get sunny once again. I'll miss all the times I had, with the people I had them with. And I can only foresee good days yet to come. I guess I'm just scared of growing old, but at least my friends grow old with me.

The Ocean

2006-02-09T22:14:38Z

I think I am losing what I may have, but won't realize it until its gone. When you feel like a piece of driftwood and the current seems to run so smooth, its not until you look around you when realize how fast you are leaving everything behind. When a path diverges, who's to say you are going to follow me down my path, or that I'm going to follow you down yours for that matter. I despise uncertainty. I wish I were truly free to make my decisions based upon the belief that there were no consequences, and that every decision had a right or a wrong. But today I'm faced with shades of grey in every case. Every decision has a right AND a wrong and I don't want to make these decisions anymore. Every agreement is disagreed by the other party. Being in the middle is beautifully flawed. I just wish that people could forgive and forget. I know that presently, it would only benefit me, but sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless. I honestly believe that you would appreciate one another if you took a chance. I wish this cycle of hate would stop. But the only time I see it cease is if you both decide to simultaneously reconcile. Depressingly, chances of this are slim. So this time I am asking for sympathy. I'm torn by this, but my body cannot rip into two, and I do not have the ability to choose. I fear I have what I want right in my grasp at the moment, but only know that it will soon drift away in an ocean of misery. Unfortunately, I can't swim.

Self(Planned-Obsolescence)

2006-02-04T21:56:10Z

It becomes increasingly evident that we lead terminal lives dedicated to fact and fiction that make little to no difference. We choose our lifestyles, live them, kill them, remember them, forget them. We wake up in the morning and change who we are. We live our lives like rockets in the sky. We take flight and soar through the atmosphere. Some climax and head back down to Earth, to rest solely in peace. Others crash and burn on the way up. And others never see the light of the luminous blue sky. Regardless of our flight path, it makes no difference if we fly or fall. What contribution do I have to make to this world when I will unfortunately be replaced by the young, replaced by the inevitable future. I feel I'm nothing but a toy. A toy in which its batteries will relentlessly run dry. Toss me aside and replace me with another. Nothing stays the same, even change changes. Equilibrium? No we are far from such a thing. Its the point at which I am forgotten, that's when I no longer exist. And to not exist? Well that's where I become nothing, although upon realization, I was obsolete all along. Although we are destined to become obsolete, we should be gracious and accepting of what we've been given. Its not about what we can give to this disastrous world, but what we can take. Take your friends, take your memories, live this existential world to the fullest. Take all you can from the world, because it doesn't expect you to give anything back.

Maybe Memories

2006-01-14T21:20:52Z

Its with my utmost regret to be on here again, but its for reasons in which I must make amends.

What I do often does not affect those around me. Although I am honourably touched by those who may be affected by my actions, this affect is not at a positive terminal. I there must apologize for what I am doing, and understand that my actions contain consequences. I want you to know that these were not my intentions, and if things do go directly downhill, may you have comfort in knowing that my pain will equate to more than that of yours, not that I'm proud of it. I'm not pleading for sympathy, that is not my case. You may have comfort because one man's pain is another's pleasure. If this is the end of an era, as short as it may have been, than I sorrowfully apologize. But if so, you two deserve more than I could offer, and more than I am giving you. This makes your potential decisions more valid and reasonable than anything imaginable and i respect and understand that. It is over that perfection is a self-lacking quality of mine, and it shall result in the demise of a friendship such as this, if chosen by the opposition.

But any man is entitled to a defense, so let me notion: I do regret what I have caused. But if it were put into either of your hands, I'm certain you would have chosen the same path that I took. This is my only defense, and a reckless on at that.

I may be bringing this topic out prematurely, but through what I have briefly noticed, I'm worried I've foreseen the end of this play.

"Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend, you have been the one, you have been the one for me"

DaYv

dayv_69 @ 2006-01-10T23:32:00

2006-01-11T05:56:19Z

Ok so I've been force with remorse to make an excruciating update.

This is for you two, mostly cause you'll be the only ones to read it, but none the less.

The starting of almost every night comes with little hope and a copious amount of loneliness. Day after day you come to accept these things more readily, but I suppose it is indeed, worth it. I was blessed with to accompany of Karen this eve and it lead to what many people would perceive as an unproductive night. I on the other hand took everything I could from it. Consisting of coffee and conversation, the night pursued at a pace suiting my needs of company. She may not have realized what she had done for me, but I must thank her for just pursuing with the simple, small things. Most importantly, the acceptance of the invitation was crucial, for it gave me hope in friendship, a topic I've always been so worried and depressed about when it comes to new people. But the night went well enough for me, and I hope well enough for her. In the end I wish I was more important to her, for she didn't open up, although, given the context of our meet and her possible mood, maybe I'm misjudging why she didn't. Nonetheless, I would still have wanted to offer myself for condolence and support(And I'd wish she'd stop apologizing for SAP night, it's us who weren't fully there for her). In conclusion I just want to be a friend that is needed. I hate feeling like I will be forgotten when I'm gone. But know I never blame anyone but myself for that, so don't offer sympathy, that is not what I'm chasing.

I'd just like to thank her again for a beautiful, unforgettable night. To me, it's the little things that get me to tomorrow.

Until next time...more likely than not, never, Night.

dayv_69 @ 2005-12-17T17:51:00

2005-12-17T23:51:45Z

so pretty much, this is the other part of your birthday present. cause we both know that you love this thing soooo much. HAPPY FRIGGIN BIRTHDAY!!!
>>Leah+Karen!